Friday, January 28, 2011

peace during sadness

a few weeks ago, we found out some surprising and wonderful news...we were going to have another little one...i was filled with so many different emotions...i was nervous and excited!  we starting thinking...oh my, how are we going to afford this, we're going to need another crib, we're going to have to change the guest room into a baby room, we're going to need a double stroller...so many things to think about...all of which we knew would someday happen...we were super excited...then, a few days later i had a miscarriage...i thought that's what was happening from my symptoms at that time, but it wasn't confirmed until i went to the doctor...then a new set of emotions came rolling in...sadness and disbelief...sadness for the baby we'd never meet...and disbelief, thinking maybe i still was pregnant and the test was wrong.  granted, i was only a few weeks along, but the sadness was still there. 
yet, amidst the roller coaster of emotions, i had a peace. i know this peace was from the Lord. it's the only kind of peace that comforts a broken heart.  it's the only kind of peace that assures an anxious mind.


rejoice in the Lord always; again i will say, rejoice. let your reasonableness be known to everyone.  the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  phillipians 4:4-7 (esv)


in that assurance, i was reminded that the Lord is in control. 
He is the author of life. 

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. for by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or ruler or authorities-all things were created through him and for him. and he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. colossians 1:15-17 (esv)


i also thought about how gracious and merciful the Lord was to us in this time.  i know this might sound bad to some, but i was so thankful that the Lord allowed this to happen so early in the pregnancy instead of months later.  i know of family members who've had miscarriages many months into their pregnancy, and i couldn't image what that must have been like for them, but God was with them in that, too...to carry them through it. 
He is a good and merciful God.  He is gracious to His children.
i'm so thankful for His mercy and His grace.

gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful.  psalm 116:5

because of his mercy, grace, assurance, and peace, i'm ok. i was reminded of what the Lord has already given to me: my salvation, a wonderful husband, a sweet, healthy boy, a caring family and amazing friends. yes, i'm sad, but i can rejoice in what the Lord has done. 
i can be glad.

i will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. my soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad. oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!  psalm 34:1-3 (esv)

3 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. Thankful that you are at peace with this part of your journey.

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  2. Julie, I am very sorry for your loss.
    I am amazed at your faithful attitude.

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  3. remember when we talked about the "woe is me" type of response to hardships? - you've done the opposite. THIS is exactly how we should respond to trials... you're sad, but still praising. weary, but still trusting. i'm thankful for the peace God has given you. xoxo.

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