Thursday, August 12, 2010

points on parenting

as i said on monday, i went to a parenting conference at my church this past weekend called "getting to the heart of parenting" with speaker paul david tripp.  i said i would share the pearls of wisdom...so, here are a few of the nuggets on godly parenting from my notes...

the family is designed by God to be the primary learning community.  our main job as parents is to give our kids a foundational, radical view of who they are...if all we are doing is controlling behavior, they will have nothing when they leave home.  there needs to be a heart change in order for behavior to change. 

the family is a theological community...we need to teach our kids about God...we need to show them the "awe" of God to bring about obedience...the heart should be the target of our parenting because actions come from what's inside the heart..."for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" matthew 12:34b
lasting change always travels through the pathway of the heart.

he used an example of an apple tree that was producing bad, inedible fruit because the roots are rotten.  he wanted to "fix" the tree, so he went out with a nail gun and apples and nailed the apples on the tree.  from far away, it looks like the tree produced good fruit.  but, next year, the same tree will produce bad, inedible apples because the roots are still bad...the core issue was never fixed.


as parents, we tend to use "apple-nailing" to fix the behavior, but these attempts don't prompt a heart change...these apple-nailing attempts are things like...threat, manipulation, and guilt.


here are 5 heart revealing questions to ask your child instead of using apple-nailing...that can turn situational solutions into moments of ministry...
1.  what was going on?
2.  what were you thinking & feeling as it was happening?
3.  what did you do in response?
4.  why did you do it and what were you seeking to accomplish?
5.  what was the result?

question 2 looks at their heart (what seeds were there)...question 4 looks at their motives (seeds in their heart)...question 5 looks at what was harvested...

remember...change is a process, not an event!

what's the purpose of discipline?
to rescue and restore
it shouldn't be an expression of anger, irritation, impatience, etc...children need firm, loving authority and active discipline.  parents need to realize that we don't have autonomy or self-sufficient authority...we have ambassador authority...we are God's ambassadors, and our authority should be a beautiful picture of God's authority.

the key to all of these things is to start with our own hearts...if we don't deal with our heart issues, 4 things happen...
1.  we tend to turn moments of ministry into moments of anger
2.  we personalize what isn't personal (when our kids disobey, we think its only because they want to disobey us)
3.  we become adversarial in our response to our kids
4.  we will settle for quick situational solutions that don't get at the heart of the matter.

these are only a few of my notes...it was 5 whole hours of information!  there are cds and dvds of his conference available on his ministry's website:  www.paultrippministries.org.
i hope this all made sense!  if you have any questions about something i wrote...leave a comment with a way for me to get in touch!

1 comment:

  1. thanks for sharing your notes! i hope we get a chance to watch the dvd from the conference! have you read "shepherding a child's heart?" i have heard many good things about the book, and i just ordered it. so much to learn!

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